Just felt like I should post it on this, even though most of the people who read it already know. My parents died this week on Sunday, June 10th.

Gugly Wugly
My only pugly
Couldn't keep his poor head snuggly
He quickly wandered away from home
On a quest to be less ugly

Throughout the streets and woods he went
On his goal he was unchangeably bent
Until he met a shepherd who
Walked with him, and told him as they went:

"Gugly Wugly, with your face so fugly, why do you quest so?
Didn't you realize that despite all your travel, you'll be ugly where ever you go?
Pick a spot, and if you don't want to be seen, your face you'll have to hide.
You'll wear a bag until you deduce where beauty really lies.
Here's a hint, Gugly: inside!"

As Gugly pondered the wise shepherd's words, he wandered back to his home.
And from that point forth, Gugly decided that no more would he roam.
He told me of tales of where he went, and of the inns where he made his bed.
"Gugly Wugly," said I "I'm glad you're now snuggly, but I can't hear you! Take that bag off your head!"

Tags: face so pugly, gugly wugly, poetry, un-snuggly
Current Mood: artistic

I just started typing, and this came out. It was an interesting experience. I think I'll do it again sometime.

Never mind that, I consider this to be a great opportunity for greatness. Delicious hams will often float by, but none so savory as this has ever crossed my path. One can't imagine the rarity of this occurrence. Curiously, things of this nature just seem to flow freely from my skull, and I'm not entirely sure where they come from. Questions often present themselves in the form of answers. I'm sure there's probably something deep to that, but I'm just letting random words come to mind as I type. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to enjoy things.

Yeah... I just started writing this one randomly, don't be surprised if it sucks.

Quack, the Saga, Part One:
An Orange too Far

Setting his hefty sack of oranges aside, the cloak man quietly began to pick the lock. It seemed to take an eternity to complete his task, but eventually the mechanism accented to his entry with a soft "click". He silently slipped through the door, glancing around with small, dark eyes. He quickly hid behind a conveniently placed counter when he spied a burly guardsman patrolling the area, holding his breath to avoid being noticed as the guard continued on his route. Waiting for the guard to walk by seemed to take an eternity. So long that it allowed time for him to ponder the overuse of the phrase "seemed to take an eternity".
"It's not even that great of a phrase, really. I mean, by literary standards it's just a so-so meta-"
He paused in mid sentence, thoughts racing through his mind: "Did I just say that out loud? Damn my constant appraisal of the English language! I can't allow this mission to be foiled, not now. Not after I've come this far."
He leaped out from behind the counter, sack of oranges in hand and shrieked at the husky sentinel. The cloaked protagonist reigned down blow after citric-y blow, each one more packed with fruity, vaguely-tang-flavored pain then the last. The merciless beating went on, until an alarm began to sound! He scolded himself, how could he have forgotten? All Corporation Inc. employees are equipped with cybernetic kidney implants that trigger a security system when attacked! Acting quickly, the shadowy figure dashed down the hall towards a janitorial closet, leaving his victim unconscious an thoroughly sticky. He quickly opened the door and, after quickly taking in the room, hid himself behind a grungy mop bucket. Yet more waiting ensued, this time with the sound of guards hurriedly shuffling about in the hallway, frantically searching for the fruit-wielding intruder.

------GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work

This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It's worthy of your consideration.

Join the resistance! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by summer and it might possibly go higher! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around earlier! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.

BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of 2007, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people.

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =3D 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3D 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am, so trust me on this one.)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?

Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.

I really want a chance to use the word "boozery" in one of my papers...
A message for those of you who are asking "WARES THE FUNNY????", as I myself am so prone to doing: Once school clears up a bit I'll be writing more papers for my personal enjoyment, I.E., funny papers. I've got a few good ideas that I'd really like to work with, including a possible book idea (albeit a short book idea). In other words, STAYE TOONED 4 FUNNAY!!J!!

The persuasive paper I did for English, I like this one. Consider it my mandatory corporation-bashing paper.

Homogenization – Welcome to McMerica

When you travel to another state, do you want to eat the same food you eat at home? Do you want to shop at the same stores? The corporations want you to, and they’ll use everything in their power to make it happen. All over the U.S., MacDonald’s, Walmart, K-mart, Bed Bath and Beyond, Barnes and Noble, Chili’s and countless other national chains are muscling out small businesses. This homogenization will decimate everything that we love about America, changing it from “the land of opportunity” to the land of monotony and eternal minimum wage.

In 1995, there were 11,400 McDonald’s restaurants in the United States. That’s over .003 McDonald’s per square mile. It may seem like a small number, but keep in mind how huge the United States is. Burger King has an astounding 11,455 restaurants; Walmart has about 6,400 stores across the U.S.; and, Chili’s has over 1,000 restaurants. What does all this add up to? America has become a corporate nation.

Remember when every small town had something unique to offer? I don’t. Corporations like Walmart, McDonalds and Target have made sure that wherever I go, the golden arches are right there with me. It’s always been this way for me, ever since I was born. Some of you might ask, “Why is this a bad thing? You’ll be able to shop and eat at businesses you know.” I think that Greg Palast made the best argument in his book, The Best Democracy Monet Can Buy, when he wrote, “From New Orleans jambalaya, to Harlem ham hocks, to New England crab boil, whatever is unique to an American region or town has been hunted down and herded into a few tourist preserves. The oppressive ubiquity of contrived American monoculture has ingested and eliminated any threat of character” (par. 2).

Homogenization destroys the small-town feeling that we love about small towns, plain and simple. If this expansion continues, soon every town will be identical. You won’t see cute little stores or get a glimpse of the local culture as you walk down the street. All the small businesses with historic value will be gone, along with local restaurants. All local color will be drained and replaced by a pattern of corporately owned businesses: Starbucks, Walmart, K-mart, Starbicks, Walmart, K-mart, McDonald’s.

Homogenization isn’t just a matter of boring towns. It also effectively destroys small retail businesses. Huge compartment stores like Walmart and Target can afford to sell products for less than small business operations can, and have a wider variety of products. Mom-and-Pop stores can’t compete, and are driven out of business by the corporate behemoths. To make matters worse, Walmart gets grants from local governments while the company is moving in. All this leads to deeper homogenization, as all other retail stores in town are crushed by corporations. When this happens, the consumer has no alternatives. We’re forced to shop at Walmart, or whatever other national chain that has embedded itself in our town.

My father runs a small business. He seals tile floors. The place where he buys the sealent he uses is also a small business. My father knows the person who runs the store, and is on a first-name basis with him. If my dad is a little short on money currently, he can ask the shop keeper to hold the check for a few days, and the merchant will happily oblige. Try that at Kmart. They’ll send you straight out of the store. There’s no relationship there. The clerk is just a cog in the machine. The employees can’t be understanding, because that just gets them fired. The point is that locally-owned businesses report to no one but themselves; they don’t have to report to the next person up the ladder every week. This allows local businesses to run their operations with understanding and compassion, something the corporations can’t touch. “Never spend money where you can’t make a friend,” as my great grandfather used to say.

There are economic reasons for fighting homogenization too. With standard local businesses, the majority of the money is recycled back into the local economy, and the rest goes to materials, products, etc. This is not so with a corporately owned business. The majority of the money earned by the business leaves the town and goes up the corporate ladder, finally stopping at the CEO of the corporation. In fact, a study conducted by the Institute for Local Self-Reliance in Maine found that “the eight [local] businesses [surveyed] spent 44.6 percent of their revenue within the surrounding to counties (Knox and Waldo). Another 8.7 percent was spent elsewhere in the state of Maine” (“The Economic Impact of Locally Owned Businesses vs. Chains” page 2). The authors add: “A typical [corporate] big box store spends 14.1 percent of its revenue within the local and state economy” (“The Economic Impact of Locally Owned Businesses vs. Chains” page 3). This funnels money out of local economies and into the pockets of the already grossly rich. Also, the majority of these corporations only pay minimum wage to most of their employees. What does this mean? It means that the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the gap between the classes grows ever wider as these chains flourish.
When it comes down to it, it’s up to you. You can go about your comfortable, familiar life and keep feeding the corporate machine, or you can take a stand against homogenization. As for me, I’m going to make sure this isn’t the kind of place I hand to my children. I pray to God that familiarity breeds contempt. See you on the picket lines.



Works Cited

Palast, Greg. “Small Towns, Small Minds.” Excerpted from the book The Best Democracy
Money Can Buy. 2003. 3 Feb. 2007. Third World Traveler. www.thirdworldtraveler.com.

“The Economic Impact of Locally Owned Businesses vs. Chains: A Case Study in Midcoast
Maine.” 2003. 3 Feb. 2007. The New Rules Project. www.newrules.org.

Tags: homogenization, liberal lol, mcdonalds = bad

My most personal work to date.

Communications technology has become my metaphorical iron maiden. One that I've willingly placed myself into, under the false pretense that it might actually relieve me of my sickness. This notion is, of course, foolishness. Yet, again and again I return. I return in the vain hope that each attempt will bring a better, more desirable outcome. I've heard a definition of insanity that states it is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting a different result. This seems very relevant to me right now. I almost feel silly writing this, and I do so in the knowledge that I'll feel silly when I look back on it. After all, it's easy to logically deduce that this will pass (and quickly, knowing myself), but logic rarely helps while you're in the storm of emotion, especially that of infatuation.

And so, here I am; physically in my bathroom (my sacred space), but sitting in the eye of the storm in mind and spirit. Fully able to deduce the logical outcome of the situation, but unable to truly believe it. Even now I write with the absurd notion that the very act of writing what I feel will change my circumstances; adding further to the down-right ridiculousness of my affliction. Of course, to speak of it's ridiculousness now is to be considered sacrilege towards a divinely provided queen, but later it is to be considered wisdom.

I have been writing for about an hour now, and I can't help but wonder how many others have been forced to pour out their hearts onto paper in situations similar to mine. I realize posting this here is a cowards way out, seeing as it's easier to tell these things from behind the dehumanizing protection of a computer screen then it is to vocally speak them in the presence of others, but I do so in the faith that I will not be ridiculed by those who I love. As for those of you who want to help me, know that in reading this you have brought more comfort than any other action or advice could have.

My artificial reason for posting this here is to chronicle my maturation. My real purpose is simply to get it off my chest.

I hated writing this paper. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had been able to pick a topic other then an animal or geographic location, or if I had picked something other then barnacles to write it on. Oh, just so you know, the pictures from the original essay didn't make it into this post. Blame it on livejournal. HATE HATE HATE HATE HEATHEHATHEHTHTEAHHATHEAHETHATHEATH. Enjoy!

Acorn Barnacles
The acorn barnacle is a crustacean with several unique stages of development. From the naupli to the final adult stage of the acorn barnacle, the process of growth will radically change the way the barnacle looks and functions. These crustaceans can be found everywhere, and are a huge nuisance to sailors.

All acorn barnacles have both male and female genitalia. This allows cross fertilization between two barnacles, and, in some cases, self fertilization. Their mating season is between the months of November and December. When mating season comes, the barnacle will extend its penis, which is, according to the Museum of Victoria Australia: "proportionately probably the largest penis in the animal kingdom" (“Biology of Barnacles,” par. 2). Once the barnacle finds a mate, fertilization will occur. Up to 10,000 eggs can be fertilized at once in one barnacle (Davey par. 6). The eggs will remain inside the barnacle's mantle cavity for four months before they are released into the ocean to continue their growth process, starting the cycle all over again.

During the barnacle’s first stage of growth, it is known as a nauplius. The main body of the naupli is in roughly an egg shape, with the most rotund side at the top and the other end trailing down into the mandible. On the sides of the body there are antennae that assist the larva in moving around the ocean. Towards the upper end of the “torso,” there is one eye, situated in between the left and right sides (Davey, par. 7).

Unlike the crustacean’s adult stage, these naupli are not stationary; they are capable of swimming around without restraint. At this point in time, the barnacle does not consume food. The naupli molts into this same form five times before going on to the next stage of development, the cypris stage (Stubbings, “Cirripedia,” par. 1).

There are several key physical differences between the nauplius stage and the cypris stage. The most noticeable differences are the repositioning of the antennae to the underbelly and the formation of the carapace around the body of the crustacean. A change that you cannot readily see is the addition of touch and chemical sensors; these are used in finding a suitable living place. The chemical sensors allow the cyrpis to detect the chemicals emitted by adult acorn barnacles, allowing the cypris to make its home near other barnacles (“Acorn Barnacle,” par. 9). Although its appearance has changed, the cyrpid is still incapable of eating (Davey, par. 9).


As you can see, the barnacle undergoes several radical changes through the maturation process. Surprisingly enough, the stages throughout the barnacle’s life are roughly similar to the rest of the crustacean family’s. You can see the similarities when you compare the barnacle's cypris stage of development to the various developmental stages of other crustaceans. (Stubbings, “Barnacles,” par. 2)



At this stage the young cyrpis begins seeking a place to station itself permanently. When the cypris finds a suitable home, it will begin the process of permanently fixating itself on the surface. It all starts with one last molting. This molting transforms the antennae into leg-like appendages called cirripeds, and prepares the cypris to attach itself. Once the molting is finished, the cypris positions its “face” against the rock and turns its body so that the cirrepeds are sticking outwards (Davey, par. 10). It will then secrete a glue-like substance, adhering itself to the surface. This glue is incredibly strong and capable of sticking to Teflon (Handwerk, par. 2). These crustaceans can live for five to ten years, and the glue is so durable that the shell remains long after the barnacle itself is dead.

Now that it is attached, the cyrpid will begin creating calcareous plates for protection, leading to the final stage of development. The final stage is the adult acorn barnacle.

An adult acorn barnacle has four to six grey protective plates surrounding its body, creating the exoskeleton. There are two additional sets of plates that protect its top. These are connected to muscles, allowing them to open up when the barnacle needs to gather food or water.

Directly beneath the top plates are the cirripeds. The mouth of the barnacle is situated beneath the cirri, and is attached directly to the stomach (Davey, par. 2).


The barnacle diet is very simple, consisting of plankton and any other small edible organisms that happen to come the barnacle's way. When the time comes for the barnacles to feed, they open up their door-like plates and begin waving their cirripeds, directing any nearby food into the barnacle's mouth (Davey, par. 4).

Barnacles are capable of living on virtually anything solid, including rocks, sea walls and various other natural and human-made structures. Depth holds no obstacle for the acorn barnacle, as it can be found in tide pools as well as deep under the ocean. They are also capable of living out of the water for short periods of time, as demonstrated by the barnacles that live higher up on peers and sea walls. They begin building their homes as the tide roles in and simply stay there when the water level is lowered. While they are above water, they keep their top plates closed, to keep in water and protect themselves from predators. This is why you have probably never seen an open barnacle. When the tide rolls back in, they retract their protective plates to gather food and cycle out their supply of water (“Acorn Barnacle,” par. 2).

But barnacles are not limited to making their homes solely on stationary objects. They have been known to adhere to large whales and, much to the chagrin of sailors, ships. When barnacles latch on to a ship’s hull or rudder, the barnacles create drag and make the ship less aerodynamic. An interesting article on the Monterey Bay Aquarium's Web site states that: "Barnacles encrusted on ships can cause enough drag to increase fuel consumption by 40 percent" (“Acorn Barnacle,” par. 8) and that "In less than two years, 10 tons of barnacles can become attach to a tanker" (“Acorn Barnacle,” par. 7).

Unfortunately, the barnacles are resilient enough to survive fresh water trips, making any attempt to kill them by boating through fresh water rivers ineffective (Schmitt, page 73). This makes it necessary to scrape them off manually, adding labor costs. All of these factors add up to billions of dollars in damage to sea-fairing companies each year. Attached barnacles also speed up the corrosion process of hulls, adding further to the damage these crustaceans cause. These startling facts have prompted the creation of a synthetic sharkskin for the hulls of ships. Barnacles find it hard to attach themselves to this material (Handwerk, par. 9).

The acorn barnacle has an incredibly interesting growth process, ranging from the egg-shaped nauplius, to the rock-like adult. We can only hope that with the creation of the synthetic sharkskin that people will begin to see them as less of a nuisance and more of an interesting aspect of the animal kingdom.









Works Cited

“Acorn Barnacle.” Monterey Bay Aquarium Online Field Guide. 2007. 30 Mar. 2007
<http://www.mbayaq.org/efc/living_species/default.asp?hori=1&inhab=488>.

Davey, Keith. “Barnacles.” Life on Australian Sea Shores. 2000. 23 Mar. 2007
<http://www.mesa.edu.au/friends/seashores/barnacles.html>.

“Biology of Barnacles.” Museum Victoria Australia. 1996. 23 Mar. 2007
<http://www.mov.vic.gov.au/crust/barnbiol.html>.

Handwerk, Brian. "To Battle Barnacles, Ships Test Fake Sharkskin." National
Geographic. 22 July 2005. 30 Mar. 2007
<http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/07/0722_050722_sharkskin.html>.

Stubbings, H. G. "Barnacle." AccessScience. McGraw-Hill. 18 Jan. 2001.
<http://www.accessscience.com.lsproxy.austincc.edu>.

Stubbings, H. G. "Cirripedia." in AccessScience. McGraw-Hill. 21 May 2001
<http://www.accessscience.com.lsproxy.austincc.edu>.

Schmitt, Waldo. Crustaceans. The United States of America and Rexdale, Canada: The University of Michigan, 1965.

Tags: barnacles, grrahgah, hate, unbridled fury

This is a bit late, but for those of you who don't know, our band has a name and a myspace now. The name's RSH and the URL is myspace.com/rshband. I'll probably stick another paper up here later today.

Tags: a band is we!, awesome in music form, band, rsh